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The Letters of Martinsville

Posted by Amy in General

Sometimes during the races I sit there and try to write letters catching up on correspondence (yes I am a hold back I believe hardily in paper letters, written on cutesy stationary and mailed through the post office). However I usually always get wrapped up in the race and the letter usually never gets past “Dear So-and-So, Hello! How are you doing?” This weekend was no different. However I did end up writing some letters in regards to the race. Enjoy.

Dear DW-

Boogity boogity boogity rocks. Glad you have your voice back- I missed it at Bristol!

Let’s Go Racing- AMY

****

Dear Goody’s Headache Powder-

I have looked for you for years. I remember looking for it when I was about 10 years old in our local drugstore and my mom kept asking me what I was looking for and I finally told her. She told me they don’t sell you in California. Why?

I have a headache- AMY

****

Dear Dad-

Since when do you know Kasey Kahne by sight? That scared me slightly. And when did you stop asking where Mark Martin is? And since when do you call Tony SMOKE?

Love, AMY

****

Dear Budweiser-

Kasey Kahne is too babyfaced to sell me beer. I do like the Allstate commercials though. A lot.

Not Drinking Beer at 10:30am, AMY

***

Dear Mike Skinner and Matt Kenseth-

Y’all missed the freaking pace car. You might wanna go back out and try for perfect.

Just call me Harry, AMY

***

(at Lap 120)

Dear Tony,

Don’t give up. I haven’t.

Still Cheering You On, AMY

****

Dear Aric Almirola (or however you spell it)-

Just how many spinouts do you plan on causing this race?

Getting dizzy, AMY

****

Dear Home Depot Pit Crew-

FASTER FASTER FASTER.

Hating Losing positions in the pits, AMY

****

(in regards to the hotpass commercial)

Dear Tony,

I find it impossible to hold it in for 400 or 500 laps– you must have a bladder of steel.

On a potty break, AMY

****

(regarding the championship commercial)

Dear Jimmie Johnson-

Did you know that 1428 tires divided by 36 races is 39.667 tires per race? Just thought you might like to know.

I didn’t even use a calculator, AMY

****

Dear Jeff Burton-

Please paint your car a different color. Your orange is too close to Tony’s orange. Thanks.

Confused sometimes- AMY

****

Dear Fox Sportscasters-

I do not play darts. What the hell does “He drives like a dart with no feathers” mean? Is that good or bad?

Don’t make me ruin the darts in the garage, AMY

****

Dear NASCAR fans-

I have a great idea. Lets a WHOLE BUNCH of us…like all of us, throw in 20 or 30 bucks into a big pool of money (come on I know there are A LOT OF NASCAR fans out there) and use that money to sponsor poor Kvapil. His car looks so damn naked out there. We could have him list our names on his empty spots in alphabetical order.

I always wanted to work in Nascar, AMY

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3 Responses

  • Lisa says:

    Brilliant! Brilliant!

  • Janet says:

    I think Goody’s Headache Powder is only sold in the south :-)

  • RevJim says:

    Great post. The dart without feathers is from a Tony Stewart quote about David Ragan in his first Martinsville race. I do play darts, and throwing a dart without the flights (feathers) is like throwing a rock. It won’t go where you are aiming, and you don’t know if it is going to stick or just bounce off whatever it hits.
    If I can find thirty dollars, I’m in on the Kvapil sponsorship deal. I can’t believe a driver that good still doesn’t have a sponsor. What’s wrong with these people?



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