Dear Farmer whose field is a block from my house-
While I appreciate your need to make a living…can you please not use your tractor and dusting helicopter at 2:00 am. At least use some WD40 on that tractor so it doesn’t make those horrid squeaky noises that keep my lying in bed cursing the fact that I have to get up in three and a half hours and go to work.
Dear Fellow Morning Commuters-
You know that heavy gray, wet hazy stuff that inhibited your ability to see for miles? It is called fog. You will see much more of it this year. Please don’t drive like a crazy person…or like a grandma…just drive. Don’t make me come over there and introduce you to your accelerator personally.
Dear Fellow Commuters (yes its me again)-
You know that part of our morning commute that we share? The part where the two lanes narrow down into one lane and it backs up clear to the intersection? I know you know the part I am talking about. Anyway I have some suggestions that will make both our days a little nicer. Mergers- don’t be a dick and force the issue. Start looking early and a hole will open up. Mergees- don’t be a dick and ride up on the bumper in front of you so that no one can merge in. Traffic will be less likely to back up if you let a car or two in. Remember…some days you are the merger…some days the mergee.
Dear Parking Lot Gods-
Why must you smite me by having all my favorite places filled by the time I get to work, thus forcing me to park under the evil Eucalyptus trees? Don’t you love me any more?